There are times in children’s lives, as well as our own, that things are going well. It is great when this happens; they are getting on at school, friendships are calm and happy, and they are even getting on with their siblings. However, more often than not, they only tend to notice when they encounter a bump in the road, such as a falling out with their friends or peers, not being chosen for the Swim Team, or getting into trouble at school or home.
As well as dealing with things that cause them upset or stress, it is important that children of all ages learn to recognise and appreciate what is going well in their lives. Often there are key things that they are doing or areas where they are putting in effort, that help keep things running smoothly.
Being able to recognise when things go well help children to:
- Have improved self-esteem
- See things in proportion and for what they really are when things go “wrong”
- Have an improved and more positive outlook
- Generate improved coping skills
- Improved stress management
If there is something weighting on their mind, they often see this as a “problem”. A great tip is to change their language; rather than asking, “What’s the problem with this?” ask instead, “What’s the situation?” This way they can address the situation in a more objective way, rather than approaching it as a problem, which by definition, is more challenging to deal with and make better.
In very broad terms, there are 5 key areas: feelings, family, physical activity, friends, school
|What is going really well?|
|What’s going well?|
|What would I like to change?|
|What can I do to make that happen?|
|Who can help me?|
Life is very busy, however, enabling them to develop the skill of self-reflection has several great advantages:
- It is a great way to spend time with your child
- It helps them to identify what is going well and how they are contributing to that success
- It enables them to recognise how much is going well in their life
- It is a great way for you to learn about their thoughts and feelings on different areas in their life
Why not sit down with your child and think about the areas mentioned above, or any other they may want to include. You could also complete one too, so they get to see that adults have good things and things they want to change too.
Sometimes, by thinking of solutions, the situation immediately looks better.
If you are interested to find out more about how I work with children to help make tricky situations better, please get in touch.